Current weight: 253.4
Hopefully tomorrow I'll reach the 10 pound mark.
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Day 11
Current weight: 254.6
I keep expecting this whole thing to grind to a halt, but I think that's just my tendency to assume the worst. May God forgive me for my faithlessness. I've been asking Him to help me have trust in Him.
I'm down 8.4 pounds in 11 days. Very exciting.
I keep expecting this whole thing to grind to a halt, but I think that's just my tendency to assume the worst. May God forgive me for my faithlessness. I've been asking Him to help me have trust in Him.
I'm down 8.4 pounds in 11 days. Very exciting.
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Friday, May 18, 2012
Thursday, May 17, 2012
Day 1
To follow up immediately after the last post, I'm going to add the small, but exciting, success I had after my first day.
Starting weight: 263.0
Current weight: 260.8
I'm on my way.
Starting weight: 263.0
Current weight: 260.8
I'm on my way.
An Honest Beginning
The purpose of this blog is to finally be honest. I have a problem. Well, three problems actually, and none of them are unusual or exciting, but I'm beginning to see two things: 1) I have to change, and 2) I've not been fooling anyone. My three problems are this:
1. I overeat.
2. I hate exercise and don't do it enough.
3. I have poor self-control.
I'm sure if this blog were to list all of my problems, it would return a number much higher than three, but I'm going to concentrate on these.
My tendencies to overeat, avoid exercise, and give in to impulses have cost me dearly. Although I am blessed in many ways, when it comes to health I have squandered my twenties and thirties. Professionally, the impact of my poor choices has been crippling. Although I have put nearly twenty years into the US Air Force, I am in danger of losing it all, right at the very end. I have failed three PT tests and narrowly avoided being demoted from master sergeant to technical sergeant, and another test is right around the corner.
I have tried low-fat and low-calorie plans. I've tried the Atkins diet, the Eat to Live diet, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and the HCG diet. I've had varying degrees of success with them, but the same thing happens; I grew to hate the food plan. The plans either buried me in charts and log books and tracking devices, or it called for me to deny the things I crave. In the end, I always end up giving up because it's too hard--and also because the progress has stopped.
On 15 May, before I left for work, I sat down on Christine's side of the bed and had a frank conversation with her. I had been back on Atkins for about six weeks at the time, and my weight was exactly the same. I had been avoiding answering Christine's questions about my weight loss, because I didn't have the heart to answer--and, I admit, I was ashamed. I told my wife that I was hoping for a miracle, and she told me later that the first miracle was that I finally was forthright with her. Later that day she spoke with her mother on the phone, and before she could bring up my conversation with her, Olivia told her about the new diet she was on, the Dukan Diet. Perhaps this is the miracle God was arranging for us. We're going forward with it, and for the first time in weeks, I'm feeling hopeful.
I hate admitting things like this about myself, but this is a time for honesty, so here goes. Despite the fact that I am only 5 feet 7 inches, on 15 May I weighed 263 pounds. The heaviest I have been in my adult life is 270, which is probably where I'd be headed back toward if nothing changed. Here are some things about weighing 263 pounds that cause me great no small mental anguish.
1. I am the heaviest person in my unit in the Air Force.
2. Whenever I see myself in the mirror or see a recent photo of myself, my instinct is to turn away in disgust.
3. I'm starting to waddle when I walk.
4. I am painfully conscious of how big the fat on my chest is, and constantly plucking at my shirt to try to keep it from conforming to my torso.
5. I refuse to go shirtless because of #4.
6. I feel effeminate because of #4.
7. All my clothes are fitting tightly, or not at all.
8. I've seen guys lighter than me on The Biggest Loser.
9. I look terrible in uniform.
10. I'm afraid that when my days with the Air Force are over, whether that's by retirement or by admin discharge for failure on the fitness program, that I'm going to start putting on more weight and I'm going to end up weighing 400 pounds and die of a heart attack when I'm in my fifties.
This list could go on for a while, but that's enough. I think the point is that I've been attempting to deceive myself for a long time, and I'm not going to get anywhere until I admit some of these truths, even though they are painful. At the risk of being proved a fool again, I'm going to make a pronouncement and move forward with it.
It stops here.
1. I overeat.
2. I hate exercise and don't do it enough.
3. I have poor self-control.
I'm sure if this blog were to list all of my problems, it would return a number much higher than three, but I'm going to concentrate on these.
My tendencies to overeat, avoid exercise, and give in to impulses have cost me dearly. Although I am blessed in many ways, when it comes to health I have squandered my twenties and thirties. Professionally, the impact of my poor choices has been crippling. Although I have put nearly twenty years into the US Air Force, I am in danger of losing it all, right at the very end. I have failed three PT tests and narrowly avoided being demoted from master sergeant to technical sergeant, and another test is right around the corner.
I have tried low-fat and low-calorie plans. I've tried the Atkins diet, the Eat to Live diet, Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, and the HCG diet. I've had varying degrees of success with them, but the same thing happens; I grew to hate the food plan. The plans either buried me in charts and log books and tracking devices, or it called for me to deny the things I crave. In the end, I always end up giving up because it's too hard--and also because the progress has stopped.
On 15 May, before I left for work, I sat down on Christine's side of the bed and had a frank conversation with her. I had been back on Atkins for about six weeks at the time, and my weight was exactly the same. I had been avoiding answering Christine's questions about my weight loss, because I didn't have the heart to answer--and, I admit, I was ashamed. I told my wife that I was hoping for a miracle, and she told me later that the first miracle was that I finally was forthright with her. Later that day she spoke with her mother on the phone, and before she could bring up my conversation with her, Olivia told her about the new diet she was on, the Dukan Diet. Perhaps this is the miracle God was arranging for us. We're going forward with it, and for the first time in weeks, I'm feeling hopeful.
I hate admitting things like this about myself, but this is a time for honesty, so here goes. Despite the fact that I am only 5 feet 7 inches, on 15 May I weighed 263 pounds. The heaviest I have been in my adult life is 270, which is probably where I'd be headed back toward if nothing changed. Here are some things about weighing 263 pounds that cause me great no small mental anguish.
1. I am the heaviest person in my unit in the Air Force.
2. Whenever I see myself in the mirror or see a recent photo of myself, my instinct is to turn away in disgust.
3. I'm starting to waddle when I walk.
4. I am painfully conscious of how big the fat on my chest is, and constantly plucking at my shirt to try to keep it from conforming to my torso.
5. I refuse to go shirtless because of #4.
6. I feel effeminate because of #4.
7. All my clothes are fitting tightly, or not at all.
8. I've seen guys lighter than me on The Biggest Loser.
9. I look terrible in uniform.
10. I'm afraid that when my days with the Air Force are over, whether that's by retirement or by admin discharge for failure on the fitness program, that I'm going to start putting on more weight and I'm going to end up weighing 400 pounds and die of a heart attack when I'm in my fifties.
This list could go on for a while, but that's enough. I think the point is that I've been attempting to deceive myself for a long time, and I'm not going to get anywhere until I admit some of these truths, even though they are painful. At the risk of being proved a fool again, I'm going to make a pronouncement and move forward with it.
It stops here.
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